America, Fuck Yeah!

But first, football.

The Pats lost this weekend to the Miami Dolphins and also to Joey Porter's mouth. Did anyone actually think it wasn't a possibility? I mean maybe not to the Dolphins (although there is history showing it was possible) but Porter said it himself "Matt Cassel is not Tom Brady". Yes, the Patriots were good, even great, one of the better teams to take the field in a long, long time. BUT did it ever occur to ESPeoN that a Bradyless Pats < game =" not"> a guy who hasn't played a meaningful game since 99'. Anyone who thinks the Pats can still contend without TB is not smart, nor should they have the power of reaching millions of fans every Sunday via television.

Rant over.

Now on to the real upset of the weekend, the Ryder Cup. A Tiger-less U.S. squad with a shitty Mickelson took down Paddy and the Boys for the first time in a half decade. The U.S. just played terrific golf all week, most notably on Sunday when it really count.



Golf hasn't really taken up much of my attention since Tiger went down but I was pleasantly surprised when I tuned in to see Anthony Kim surgically removing Sergio's brain from his head. If there is one thing I love when I watch golf, it's Sergio Garcia blowing it. Also, Boo Weekeley may now, check that, is now my new favorite golfer. (Sorry JD) He looks like a trim John Daly without the booze problem, or gambling problem, or chain smoking problem or any problems at all really. Not only that, but he likes to get the crowd riled up Happy Gilmore style, which is always a good time.


This brings me to my final point, being a professional PGA golfer may be the best gig in the world. All your clothes are free, all your equipment is free, you fly around the world and most likely do it all with your smoking hot wife and you play golf for a living, bottom line that is the best description of a job posting that I could imagine. If I saw that on Craig's List I would bend over backwards to qualify. I also think this topic deserves more dissection so when I get the time my next post will be the top 5/10 jobs in professional sports. Until then....

A Rivers Runs Thorugh It

Do clever titles do anything? Besides mildly amuse me? Let me know, because most times after I write one I feel so dumb for doing it that I wished I hadn't, just like the one titling this piece.

I now it's NFL time but I need to get some NBA off my chest before I forget about it. Doc Rivers was recently extended (within the last week I believe) to the tune of 5.5 million per for 3 years. My first reaction was spitting fire at my computer screen and drafting a letter of non-support to the Boston Celtics for making this terrible decision. After cooling off for a few days I have come to realize that it was a fucking horrible decision and I shouldn't have shredded that letter. For all the Doc lovers out there (are there any?) allow me to explain.

I understand the Boston Celtics won the NBA title last year, and I also understand that Doc Rivers was the coach of that Celtics team. The one thing I'm failing to understand is why does Doc Rivers get rewarded for this past season when all other have been a miserable failure. 66-16 is a tremendous record, how many wins did Doc have? How many late game plays did he craft to help the cause? How many of KG's buckets did Rivers draw up? What magical system did he implement that no other coach has the understanding of? What development and strides has he made in the world of coaching? Who models their offense after the Celtics? I know some of the questions are not quite answerable, or coherent for that matter, but I think your getting my point. If you aren't I will attempt to catch you up.



Doc Rivers is a career .500 coach, in fact his record with the Celtics is 168-160, with that dream season, without it he's 40 games under .500, stellar. In fact, he was fired from his last coaching stint because he could never manufacture better than a .500 or so season, terrific. Let us break that down into some easier math terms:

Doc Rivers = .500 Coach
Doc Rivers + 3 NBA All-Stars in prime = 66-16

Shouldn't coaches be rewarded for taking a team with lower expectations, who in turn rise above and overcome, to make that team better with brillant sideline guidance? I'm not quite sure anymore but after Doc loses his All-Stars I'm willing to bet you'll agree.

A Daunte Afternoon

The NFL season is upon us, I know Tfil loves that, maybe it will get him out of his cave and breathing again. His G-Men won so he should be in good spirits, as far as my opening weekend went..... No Brady= Mo Problems.

As everyone has seen 10 billion times Tom Brady received a really nice welcome to this NFL season, by tearing his ACL 10 minutes in to the Pats 17-10 victory over the Chefs. I'm glad Vegas didn't have odds for this game or I would have lost lots of money. Backup for life Matt Cassel came in and played decently well, enough for the win anyway, against a sub par Chiefs team. A few talking points that should be addressed are: 1) Was it a clean hit on Brady? 2) What the fuck are the Pats going to do now? and 3) What I think the Pats should do.



Was it clean? Yes. 1 million times yes. I don't think it was even fair to Bernard Pollard for anyone to insinuate that hit might have been dirty, because now he will forever be known as the guy who took out Tom Brady and that's already bad enough. So let us put to rest the conspiracy theories and chalk it up to an unfortunate situation, with terrible timing that will have most Pats fans saying "See you next year. " or "Let's kill Bernard Pollard."

The Patriots reaction? Matt Cassel is now their starting QB. A typical, unwavering, stoic Pats move and I expected nothing less. Belichick goes down with the band and so does every other player on his team, (publicly at least) and I'm all for it. The last thing you want is dissension in the locker room during week 2 of your now totally fucked season. I like the confidence shown by the Pats, I just don't necessarily agree with it. Cassel is an uber-backup who hasn't played since high school, but he has backed up some pretty impressive talent (two Heisman winners at USC and Brady since 2005), so really I don't know what to think, my head is fucking spinning.



Rumors were also circulating that the Pats would work out Chris Simms and Tim Rattay. No thank you. I'd rather have the Pats cancel their season than have Tim Rattay taking snaps.

What do I think? I'm a radical and I think the Pats should shake things up a bit. Personally I don't have a ton of faith in Matt Cassel and I have even less in Kevin O'Connell, however I hope Cassel proves me incredibly wrong and keeps this season alive and interesting so I still have something to root for in January.

One name I would love to hear as a potential stop gap is Daunte Culpepper. That's right, I said it. Daunte motherfuckin Culpepper. The same QB who threw Randy Moss 50 something TD's in 5 years playing together and recently retired because no one would give him a shot. I am officially on that bandwagon and will sound the horn to any and all that want to hear it. The Pats have so much talent on that roster even Marcus Vick could win 8-10 games with them, so why not a proven veteran with a cannon arm and a past relationship with the Pats #1 wide out? It is definitely worth the experiment. I would hope that Culpepper would be chomping at the bit to play for a good team again. Those early Vikings squads were good, but never this good and granted shit didn't work out with OAK or MIA but it hasn't for any other QB in recent memory either.


In my eyes things are already fucked. Cassel is unproven and O'Connell even more so. I don't know what his asking price is but someone in the Pats office should give him a call and find out, I'm sure Randy still has his number. So let is be known where this Pats fan stands, Bring back Culpepper!

Atlas Shrugged

I don't know how fond many of you are to Fantasy Baseball but Tfil and I are both in the same league this season. I have to say thanks to him for completely ruining any chance of my team winning the league by refusing to trade me some SB's before the trade deadline. I had the only chance of catching the top dog and now it's impossible. Thanks Tfil. Sure you will lead the league in SB's but what good will it do you? None good, that's what.



With that off my chest it is Olympics time.

I was a huge Olympics hater before it began, I hated the time change, the complaints about the weather, hate, hate, hate, hate but now I am singing a different tune. I can't get enough of these games, I have been up every night until at least 2 AM watching everything from team handball and badminton to the more glamour sports of swimming and gymnastics. I have found myself watching other countries as well, with up to 4 channels showing the Games per day we are getting an unprecedented amount of coverage. Which for lack of a better word is totally awesome. (Side note: the Men's Hungarian water polo team is fucking sick, I suggest watching them.)

I feel comfortable enough in my manhood to let you know that last night in my living room I had a few of my buddies over and we watched the Women's All-Around Gymnastics competition. Not only that but when Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson stuck their routines multiple high fives were being thrown around like singles at a stag party. Subsequently I have been informed that high fives are no longer cool but last night I could have cared less. I was so pumped that these girls were nailing all their routines I thought about buying a leotard and prancing around.... maybe. And not in some creepy old man pedophile way, I watched because I cared about the outcome and results. Even with some bogus scores the US prevailed and for some strange reason that felt great.

Let me also add that I am changing my vote for the upcoming Presidential election to Bela Karolyi. That guy is the fucking man. He speaks the truth and I'm pretty sure I heard him say bullshit on live TV. Both huge factors when determining the leader of the free world. Costas had no way of filtering him and it made for great commentary. I think I would watch gymnastics every day as long as Karolyi was in studio.



Phelps is great too, but it's almost not exciting anymore. The 4x100 relay was tremendous to watch but only because the French were talking shit before the race, in every other race Phelps is usually unchallenged by the time it reaches the last 20 meters. I hope he breaks Spitz's record of 7 golds but at the same time I don't want his final two races to be cakewalks either. Someone step up and make it interesting please.

These Olympics are also key because it give the USA a chance to flex our collective basketball muscles once again. It is not quite "The Dream Team" but so what. I have had a close eye on "the Redeem Team" all week, and even back to the warm up games in Shanghai. So far, so good but I'm really waiting for the medal round to test their mettle. Did you like that? I did. D Wade is leading the tournament in scoring off the bench, that has to be considered good news but I can't help thinking that we might drop one when they count. This team is stacked though, and can create match up problems at every spot on the floor. I like them to bring the gold back along with about 25 million in revenue for the NBA in jersey sales. The NBA: Where globalization happens.



The only aspect of these games that seems out of reach is the medal title. I think the US will hold onto the total medal count but I don't think we can catch China in the gold medal race. We can chalk that L up to home court advantage and some potentially lopsided scoring. I thought I was making that last part up until I heard Teddy Atlas ripping apart the scoring of the boxing matches. Not only was he making fun of the judges but also the Chinese fighter who won, remarking that he did a great job holding his opponent but a terrible job actually boxing. Although this problem is being shown all over these games I do not believe that this is only an issue in Beijing. Sports such as boxing or gymnastics are permanently flawed due to their scoring systems. Do I have a solution? Fuck no, but I do know when something is broken, I just couldn't tell you how to fix it.

USA USA USA!!!

The Months That Were

It's been awhile since any activity has graced these pixels and I'm sorry, summer months mean outside time for this guy and TFil's excuse? He's just lazy. Anyway back to the Manny at Fenway. What? No more Manny? Fuck that. I'll get into that later, Celtics first.

Of courts (do you like that?) my Irish guilt wouldn't let me actually pick the C's to win the whole thing, (which TFil pointed out last time we spoke) but they won and for the first time ever I loved being wrong. To summarize the works of my favorite boxer ever: The team D was impregnable, P Double unstoppable, I'm going to eat your kids. Forget that last part, the Celtics did dominate, making it banner time in Boston again. And can I say that although recently Boston has dominated the sporting world people should remember how long fans have had to wait to see some chips brought back to The Bean.

Does anyone remember the Patriots pre Brady/Belicheck? Or pre-Parcells for that matter? They were terrible, 6 playoff appearances in 33 seasons? Sounds great. I don't even need to bring up the Red Sox drought before their recent success. True the Celtics have 17 championships but this was the first one in the past 21 years. So please before everyone jumps onto the hating Boston bandwagon let us enjoy ourselves at least for half a decade before the rotten tomatoes come raining down.

The Celtics went wire to wire and it was gorgeous, I wish I had the heart to pick them publicly and I will take the beating for being a coward, as long as that banner is still there I could care less. Now onto more recent news, Man-Ram.

Say it ain't so... Manny was easily my favorite player on the team and mainly because he didn't give a fuck. Not showing up for spring training, faking his Grandmother's death, selling his neighbor's grill on eBay? All reasons to love the guy. So he was a terrible fielder, that's not why he was signed. He was signed to hit the shit out of the ball and that he did. He was a Silver Slugger every year in a Boston uniform and put up at least 30 home runs and 100 RBIs as well (save 2007). All that being said, I understand why Manny had to go and I wish him well. Other players were not getting along with him and perhaps he was crushing the team dynamic, who knows. Everyone seems to be hitting well is his absence and the new guy is pretty good too. Bay has been killing it since he arrived and as long as he does so in the playoffs you won't hear shit from me. Although if the Dodgers kill it in the playoffs with Manny at the helm prepare for fire and brimstone. Curse of the Manbino perhaps?

I think even with the Olympics starting tomorrow all I keep hearing about is Brett Favre and what he is currently doing. I hope that these bi-minutely updates will cease now that he is on the J E T S, JETS JETS JETS. I wonder how Tfil feels about that? Are the G-Men even relevant in NY anymore? I think they may go down as the least talked about Super Bowl Champion in history. ( I want to point out, for clarifications sake, the last sentence was not a slight towards Giants fans but a mere observation from an observer, oh and sucks to be without Shockey huh?)

Favre to the Jets is easily the worst thing that could happen to me personally, mainly because all ESPN has been showing is highlights of him every day and constant updates of his whereabouts and goings on. We saw Brett flying in a plane, working out with high schoolers, going to meetings, leaving meetings, driving a pick up truck, taking a dump, eating tuna casserole and shooting crossbows all in a matter of a few hours. It was taking such a toll on me that I had to stop watching anything ESPN affiliated just to keep sane. And now that he is in the Mecca it's not going to stop, awesome.

So for now I leave you with those thoughts, hopefully Tfil will throw in some of his own as well. Until next time.

Ballot Boxing

MLB All-Star online voting is upon us, and for those rabid baseball fans you can vote 25 times a day so have your keyboards sharpened.

But before I get to that I will address the ongoing NBA Finals. The series now stands at 2-1 Celtics with Game 4 coming tonight. Tough loss Tuesday night, but considering everyone in the world predicted them to get crushed (9 1/2 pt. spread? Honestly?) it was a good sign. On top of that, the C's didn't play all that well and still almost pulled one out. I would use the term cautiously optimistic to describe my current mental state regarding the Celts. We need at least 1 game in L.A. before I get happy. On to beisbol!!

I am going to preface this entire post/argument by stating that I have always had a problem with All-Star voting. It becomes a popularity contest and guys get voted in who have no business being there in the first place. Baseball usually does a reasonable job of getting it right in the end, but after looking at some of the numbers today(AL here, NL here), it seems we all need to have a little talk.



All-Star games should be about rewarding those who have played the best. They don't have to be on the best team or the biggest names, just playing the best this year. It has become a popularity contest with the players from the larger teams (more fan base) reaching the All-Star games then the guys who actually deserve it. Baseball has been able to hide that because the managers can select the pitchers and backups but still it shouldn't come down to that.

*In reality I think every All-Star game should be played at the conclusion of each season, that way you reward the guy who did it all year not just for 65% of the year.

The following are who I think deserve it for the American League thus far.


1st Base: Current leader: Kevin Youkilis with Justin Morneau 250, 000 votes behind. (Where are you Minnesotans?) As a voter you can go either way with this. Youk and Morneau's numbers are very similar across the board. Should Youk be 250,000 votes up? No way. My vote: Youkilis

2nd Base: Current Leader: Dustin Pedroia. Pedroia is a fantastic second baseman. Defensively he is stellar and his offense is not too shabby either but he is not an All-Star this year. Perhaps the biggest crime in AS voting so far is that the best AL 2nd baseman, Ian Kinsler is 300,000 votes back. Kinsler's numbers are the best by a second basemen who's last name doesn't start with a U. He's hitting .307 (Pedroia .268) and has both more HR and RBIs than Pedroia. Wake up people! Not to mention he has more hits than any other second baseman in baseball. My vote: Kinsler

Shortstop: Current Leader: Jeter with no one else in sight. Jeter is a great SS, one of the best ever but not this year. His numbers are down but he is still getting all the love. All-Star voters shouldn't be so naive. Yes, historically Jeter is a great shortstop, but this year the best SS in the AL is Michael Young, hands down. Young is batting .308 (Jeter .271) with more hits, HR and runs scored. Not to mention is OBP is 40 points higher. My vote: Michael Young




3rd Base: Current Leader: ARod. Huge surprise right? ARod has the name, the game and the town to get all the votes he needs. And it's tough to argue against his numbers, but if you wanted to split hairs you can. ARod has missed a decent amount of games thus far and Joe Crede has not. So if you factor durability/games played into the equation Crede could get the nod, and even if you don't agree he still shouldn't be 800,000 votes back. My vote: ARod

OF: Current Leaders: Manny Ramirez, Josh Hamilton, Ichiro. Josh Hamilton has to be a no-brainer. He's killing the ball to the tune of .309 while leading the AL in HR's as well as leading the league in RBIs with 70. As for ManRam and Ichiro, well they are having good years but for arguments sake and because it might be true, there may be more deserving players. Manny is hitting the ball well (.305 with 15 HR's and 48 RBIs), but so is Carlos Quentin (.281 with 16 HR's and 54 RBIs, not to mention a comparable OBP with ManRam and less K's) . Guess where he is on the ballot? Oh that's right, he not on it. Ichiro is also getting love because of previous years performances and shouldn't considering what he has done this year. The career .331 hitter is currently batting .291 with an OBP 20 points lower than his career average. On the other hand, Milton Bradley is getting on base nearly 46% of the time he gets up to bat. He is also batting .338 with 45 runs scored (1 more than Ichiro) with more HR's (14-3) and RBI's (45-17) as well. Granted Ichiro is swiping bags like it is going out of style (26) but who wants to see SB's at an All-Star game? Give me the dingers. My vote(s): Josh Hamilton, Manny, Milton Bradley


Catcher: Current Leader: Jason Varitek with Joe Mauer hot on his heels. I love Tek, and as a Sox fan you would crucified on Yawkey Way if you didn't, but if you take one look at the numbers and still feel the same way you would deserve the same treatment. If AS selections were based on grit and determination and being a great dude Tek would be a All-Star until he died, but they aren't, so he's not. Mauer is batting .327 with more RBIs , hits and runs scored(also, Mauer almost never strikes out). Not to mention his OBP is .407, how can this guy not be the AL representative? My vote: Joe Mauer



DH: Current Leader: David Ortiz with Matsui a distant second. Ortiz has nearly double the votes of Matsui and is running away with this thing, but again he is being rewarded for past performances. How about giving the DH spot in the AS game to the most deserving player who is clearly not getting voted in? I think you could go with Carlos Quentin here, or maybe even B.J. Upton. Both are having career years, while Ortiz was playing well he is currently on the DL. My vote: Carlos Quentin

There it is, the only All-Star lineup you should select. Go against your hometown bias and vote for the most deserving, not the most popular. I will try to get my NL All-Stars posted this weekend. Vote or die!

An NBA Finals Preview: A Comparison from a Celtics Fan

I am a Celtics fan. I have been for years, I lived through the days of Chris Herren and Len Bias, Antoine Walker and Waltah, the drafting bumbles of Slick Rick Pitino (what up Ron Mercer!) and the trading away of future All-Stars (Billups and Joe Johnson). Needless to say I am more than excited about this past C's season.



66-16 was above and beyond in terms of expectations for this year. The world knew the Celtics would be good but I don't think too many people saw this coming. (Although for you stat nerds the Pythagorean W-L projected for this team was 67-15, 1 game better than what the C's accomplished), but that is neither here nor there. The Celtics finished with the best record in the NBA and that is something to be proud of.

The playoffs have not run quite as smooth (understatement of the century?), going 7 games with both the Hawks and Cavs, and then a 6 game dogfight with the Pistons is beyond what one would consider a tough road. The prize for trudging through those series? The L.A. Fucking Lakers. Ouch.

I'm always optimistic but honestly this is going to be rough. The Lakers have this guy, I'm not sure if you've heard of him. His name is Robert Paulson, I mean Kobe Bryant and he is really fucking good as in one of the best players to ever lace them up good. He is the MVP of the league and only 29. He does this and the Celtics don't, at least not as well.

Of course there is much more to it than 1 player right? I mean even Micheal needed a Scottie. So let us compare both teams in a few important categories to determine who may have the advantage.

Rosters:

Celtics : Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, Rajon Rondo, Kendrick Perkins, James Posey, Sam Cassell, PJ Brown, Leon Powe, Glen Davis, Eddie House, Brian Scalabrine, Tony Allen

Coach: Doc Rivers

Lakers: Kobe Bryant, Lamar Odom, Pau Gasol, Derek Fisher, Vladimir Radmonovic, Sasha Vujacic, Luke Walton, Jordan Farmar, Ronny Turiaf, DJ Mbenga, Kwame Brown, Chris Mihm, Trevor Ariza

Coach: Phil Jackson

OK, let's break this down. In the all important Most Europeans Category the Lakers win in a landslide but to counteract that they also win in the Most Terrible Centers on One Team category (I can't even believe Chris Mihm is still in the NBA, let alone on a team in the NBA finals). In terms of Superstars I think you have to lean towards the C's. Kobe = MegaSuperstar and Gasol and Odom can be considered stars but not the way the Boston Three party are. (+ 1 for the C's)




In the coaches category I don't think it is even fair. Phil Jackson and his supporting cast are the fucking dream team on the bench, no one does it better and Jackson has the track record to prove it. And let's be honest a baby could have coached this Celtics team to at least 60 wins so in my mind Doc Rivers hasn't even been that integral of a piece to this Celtics Puzz 3-D.

In the Most Old Guys category the Celtics take the cake. Not only are all three of the Celtics superstars over the age of 30, but they also have PJ Brown and Sam Cassell. Sam Cassell is so old I think his name was dropped in a Kool and the Gang verse. The Celtics also win in the Most Guys Who Resemble Aliens category, thanks Sam I Am.




In terms of bench play I have to go Lakers, as terrible as Kwame and Mihm may be Luke Walton, Ronny Turiaf, Vujacic and Farmar are all good players. They know their roles and play them well. The Celtics? Their biggest bench contributors have been PJ Brown, Cassell, and James Posey, not exactly the vibrant youth the Lakers possess but they do all get senior citizen discounts at the hotel buffet.

One category the Celtics have on lock is Best/Most Nicknames. The Big Ticket, The Truth, Jesus Shuttlesworth, Big Baby, Sam I Am, The Boston Three Party etc etc. The Lakers? The Black Mamba is pretty tight but then the well runs dry. The Lakers also take Worst Look-A-Like category because as my friend Eric pointed out Gasol resembles Lowly the Worm to a fault.



To Recap:

Lakers (+) : Most Euros, Best Coach, Best Bench, MVP
(-): Most Terrible Centers, Worst Look-A-Like

Celtics (+): Most/Best Nicknames, Most Superstars
(-): Most Old Guys, Most Aliens

All in all I would say that is a pretty close race with the Lakers probably coming out on top. In my heart of hearts I want the Celtics to win but in my head I am going to have a hard time betting against Kobe and the Gang. He's got the rings and he seems like he is on a mission to collect more. This Celtics team is great but I don't think they are ready... yet. I hope I am wrong but I think this is a Lakers year.